Thursday, April 26, 2012

Link Thursday: 1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women (Part 4)

Hey peeps!

Continuing once again with this list I started a few weeks ago. Women are full of insights about themselves, and what being a woman, especially in a relationship, is all about. Read on for some amazing tidbits from the mouths of women like you and me. Get your guys to listen, and authors - take a peek at how to make your heroine more 'real'.

You can view the last post from this series here (and grab the links to prior posts)... or you can go straight to the original list with its 1,000 tidbits from the Esquire.com website.

Enjoy!

*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.


No. 20: Putting your hand on the small of a woman's back is as potent and powerful as buying her two drinks. Just so long as you know the girl. Otherwise it's just weird. — Anna Ferguson, 27, St. Simons, Georgia

No. 78: Presentation counts. Wrap your gift and iron your shirt. — Merritt Watts, 25, New York

No. 88: We find your inability to ask for directions or go to the doctor every bit as bewildering as you find our inability to pass by a shoe sale. — Pat Morrissey, 50, Shamong, New Jersey

No. 442: For special occasions, it's the effort of taking us out that matters most, not where we end up going. Unless it's a McDonalds drive-thru. — Carly Hansen, 22, Santa Barbara, California

No. 934: A deep voice. And some stubble. — Amanda Rawson, 22, Worcester, Massachusetts

No. 12: We like wearing your pants. Not wearing "the pants" — wearing your actual pants. They fit better. — Stacey Berman, 22, Brooklyn

No. 567: You think lesbians are hot; we think gay guys are willing to shop, clean up after themselves, and keep up on gossip. You have your fantasies; we have ours. — Katharine Francis, 28, Lafayette, California

No. 124: Electronics clipped to your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man who needs them to save lives, not send e-mail. — Rachel Sturtz, 28, New York

No. 900: There are pretty much no conditions under which sporting a soul patch is attractive. A trumpet virtuoso might be able to carry it off, but even he looks like he's hiding something small but terrible. — Katy Steinmetz, 25, Washington, D.C.

No. 205: We don't like it when you put your hands on our waists. You're not supposed to know about our Spanx. You're just supposed to think our tummies look that flat naturally. Mind your business. — Kirsten Hall, 35, New York

No. 400: Pay attention to the sides. The sides of her face. The sides of her breasts. The sides of her torso. The sides of her hips. The sides of her thighs. A woman's body is not a set of three or four important dots connected by unimportant skin. — Elspeth Golden, 44, San Francisco

No. 17: You court with flowers; we court with a higher frequency of waxing treatments. — Staci Brinkman, 27, Dallas

No. 325: We love the un-expected kiss. Especially the one when you stop us midsentence and make us forget what the hell we were talking about in the first place. — Stephanie Mitchell, 41, Dayton

No. 4: The baby talk is strange if there is no baby around. — Chontelle Matthews, 26, Bowie, Maryland

No. 671: Please do not ever, ever let us see you naked if you are still wearing your socks. — Pat Dunnigan, 47, Chicago

No. 722: Make your bed every day and change the sheets once a week. That vague goatlike smell guys get will remind us of our brother, and you will be sleeping alone. — Melinda Meggyesy, 31, Seattle

No. 356: Please remember that if we hang out with a bunch of guys, it doesn't make us one. — Christina Raine, 20, Richmond, California

No. 820: If the world were a beach, we would want you to throw us in the ocean and then protect us from the waves. — Krista Iovino, 32, New York

No. 501: We don't want a man more polished than us. Slightly wrinkled and smelling a bit of sweat and a bar of soap? Fantastic. — Christine Siltanen, 38, Portland, Oregon

No. 72: Lending us books is one of the most romantic things you can do. — Jessica Wakeman, 26, Bayonne, New Jersey

No. 100: We don't need special moves. Just do the regular ones right. — Katie Dinardo, 23, Brooklyn

No. 46: Don't use our makeup. — Maryann Fitzgerald, 47, Los Angeles

No. 11: We like our heroes flawed. That way, they can rescue us, but it gives us room to rescue them, too. — Beth Young Margulies, 36, Bethesda, Maryland

No. 63: The most chivalrous thing a man can do is let you have the last piece of bacon. — Sung-Hee Park, 30, New York

No. 204: We don't want to wear our bra more than you want to see us not wearing our bra. — Whitney Webb, 22, Blacksburg, Virginia

No. 318: We want to see you cry every once in a while-it makes you human. To find out how often is acceptable, divide the number of cries by the number of no-holds-barred, screaming orgasms you've given us. If the quotient is greater than 0.25, you're a whiny bitch. — Carrie Dienhart, 34, Kansas City, Missouri

No. 605: You only get to ask once about the threesome. — Crystal Taub, 34, Baltimore

No. 559: Please notice and comment on our choice of fragrance. We paid a lot for that teeny bottle of Chanel. — Hanady Kader, 25, Seattle

No. 801: We play with our boobs. Who wouldn't? Even though we complain about them, they're still fun. — Kelly Heintz, 23, Fresno, California

No. 48: When we say that nothing is wrong, we mean that you should know what is wrong without us having to tell you. — Lara Ehrlich, 28, Chicago

No. 3: Please don't write us poetry or compose us music. Unless writing is actually part of your job description, like if you are Tom Waits. — Brenna Ehrlich, 25, Brooklyn

No. 92: We don't want to get married tomorrow, either. There are a lot of celebrities we want to bang before we settle down. — Kelsey Allen, 21, Columbia, Missouri

No. 483: We don't like it when you pull your shirt off from the front. Be a man and pull it over your head from the back. — Molly Rosen, 33, New York

No. 915: We rarely ask a question we don't already know the answer to. So, we know you don't think she's hotter than us, or we wouldn't ask. — Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 50: No, it's not all right that you didn't plan anything for our birthday even though we told you not to. — Carla Michelle Coley, 24, Washington, D. C.

No. 8: If you are making out with a girl and she didn't shave her legs, you have great game. At the beginning of the night, she wasn't planning on doing anything. — Janna Johnson, 24, New York

No. 23 We want you to never stop hunting us. Even if we married you. Remember why you got the gig. Don't make the trailer the only fun in the whole production. That's misleading. — Avril Dell, 46, Toronto

No. 744: Don't comment on our driving. There's a reason your insurance is more expensive. — Diane Vadnal, 20, Des Plaines, Illinois

No. 659: Know how to go to a nice restaurant and dine. Eating and talking together is phenomenal foreplay. — Joanna Breger, 36, Wilmington, Delaware

No. 77: We want you to think we are pretty. Every now and then, when we get all fixed up, act for a minute like we make it hard for you to breathe. — Shannon Purvis, 45, Novato, California

No. 516: We look into your minds by reading your magazines. — Lisa Alva, 49, Los Angeles

No. 668: Please don't splay your legs on the bus, subway, or airplane. We know you don't need all that space. Don't flatter yourself. — Grace Zerzan, 27, New York

No. 447: Sometimes, we just want to make out on the couch like we're back in high school. That includes your hands wandering and everything. — Kim Melton, 23, Albuquerque

No. 814: Most of us have considered a threesome. Just not with our boyfriends. — Melanie Smeltzer, 22, Phoenix

No. 15: It's not always chocolate or a foot massage. Sometimes it's Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. — Caitlin Goldin, 24, Charlottesville, Va.

No. 61: If it's cold, put on gloves. Your balls are not a hand warmer. — Jennifer Wallerstein, 26, New York

No. 40: We think you're high maintenance, too. — Naomi Pabon-Figueroa, 25, Pittsburgh

No. 705: Men don't understand a woman's obsession with celebrity gossip — who's pregnant, who's getting divorced, who made a fool of themselves. It makes us feel better about ourselves. — Cassidy Parker, 25, Brooklyn

No. 39 Panties is a guy word. We call it underwear. — Elisa Benson, 26, New York

No. 5: We don't have penises. When we're fondling away, some encouragement and direction is appreciated. When we direct you as you're spelunking nether-ward on our bodies, don't be offended — be grateful we're preventing you from losing all use of your thumb for a week. — Beth Carswell, 32, Victoria, British Columbia

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

4 comments:

Kate said...

I love it!

Savannah Chase said...

These are so good...

Jessica Subject said...

I like numbers 11 and 325 the most. :)

Zee Monodee said...

Thanks ladies!! I think they're total fun (and so spot on, too!!) :)

Jess - I love No.325 too! That's the stuff real romance is made of *grin*

XOXO

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